I wish it was easier to explain my feelings about being back from Ghana.
In case you just started following along with our journey, feel free to check out our post about preparing for our trip to Ghana with Ghana Children’s Fund and our other adoption posts first.
As I was saying, I wish it was easier. I wish the thoughts and images flying through my head could just transport themselves onto paper because it’s nearly impossible for me to put into words our experience, how we’ve changed, and what it’s like to process being back.
This morning I was up at 6:00 AM – something that rarely happens. I didn’t think I would sleep better in the hot, humid Ghana climate on my foam pad than I have for the past two nights after coming back to my bed and clean home. Even in my sleep, Ghana runs through my mind.
I’m truly happy to be back home. I’m thankful I live in the US where things are a little … no, a lot … more organized, clean, taken care of. I fully enjoy the comforts of home. However, as I was journaling this morning, I wrote out the words of my heart. There is a deep and wide longing inside of me for the kids in Ofaakor, Ghana, and I don’t want to forget one detail of my time there.
I even miss some of the little things. Like sipping on my coffee in the morning while sitting on our porch, as I watch beautiful Ghanaians walk to the market with their baskets balanced on their heads and their babies tied securely on their backs. I miss hearing the kids pronounce my name the way they do (“Kristi-an”). I miss seeing the boys react to Jeremy’s willingness and longing to be present in their lives while he was there; something they rarely receive from a male figure. I miss holding Moda while clucking our tongues and having her lay her sweet head on my shoulder with her arms and legs wrapped tightly around me, so that I wouldn’t put her down. I miss seeing beautiful Dina being willing to let me a little closer this year than last. I miss Clemens’ sweet, honest, selfless personality as he went about his day. Really, there are too many things to mention in one blog post.
I know, Lord willing, we’ll be back again. And I’m so very thankful that Jeremy fell in love with a people and place that’s rooted so deep in my heart. Wanting to adopt from a country and falling deeply and madly in love with it are two different things, and I’m overjoyed that Jeremy and I have both.
On a different note, I’m realizing more and more that it hurts when God changes you. He’s opening our eyes to the needs in the world, he’s letting us see what He sees, slowing molding our hearts to His. He’s giving us a love for a devastated people. Whether that devastation be emotional, physical or spiritual, it’s bound to hurt when you enter a world that is surrounded by it, yet remembering God loves those people more than you ever could.
So, I’ll try to embrace the hurt, remember the joy and blessings, and continue to pray for God to lead my feet and hands.